Although you may not realize it, I do, in fact, have a master plan. I try to keep it flexible in the event of massive change, and recently said flexibility has been tested thoroughly. But have no fear: the Quan Dynasty will become reality.

So I’m a kid person. Always have been, always will be. Most people who know me know I get it from my mom. She’s such a kid person that she had four of them and takes care of other peoples’ for a living. And she likes it. After being drafted to assist with short-handed classes, I figured out that there were people in the world who enjoyed all those faces I practiced in the mirror and voices I recorded and played back on my walkman. And strangely enough, they didn’t judge me. They just laughed. Sure they were half my age, but I’ll take a laugh any day of the week from anywhere I can get it. I’m guessing that affirmation that I could mean something to someone for at least a fleeting moment is what made (and still makes) me enjoy hanging out with and entertaining kids.

So naturally, eventually, I’ll be having some of my own one day. Seven, to be exact.

That’s where the plan is right now, anyways. Why seven, you ask? Several reasons. Certainly the fact that seven is considered a holy number plays into the equation. Seven archangels, seven heavenly virtues, seven days of creation, etc., etc. It’s just a good solid number. But on top of that, there are seven continents.

“But David, what’s that supposed to mean?” Read on, you who dare.

There are a lot of kids out there in the world that are more or less doomed. Headed for a life of poverty, disease, possibly early death, or worse. And it kills me. Kids are the easiest people in the world for sick people to take advantage of. Consequently, they’re the hardest people in the world for us to watch such things happen to. They’re just kids. And through no fault of their own, they get to grow up in an environment that will make them exactly like the people who mistreat them. It’s  a vicious cycle that can really only be broken in one of two ways: you change the environment around them or take them out of it. And for me, the latter is the most viable option, given my intense lack of influence or money to do the other.

So it occurred to me that, while I’d always imagined having kids that shared 50% (more or less) of my genetic material, it might be more responsible as a human being to raise kids who were already born and without a home to call their own. Adoption, as it were. In this way I’ll take my mom’s two attributes and combine them into one: have four (plus three) kids of my own while actually taking care of someone else’s.

So back to the seven continents thing. I’ll adopt a child from each of them. And eventually, each one of them will return to their native continent to rule it with an iron fist.

The plot thickens.

The world is quickly becoming a veritable melting pot of cultures (at least from my distinctly misinformed perspective), and what better way to embrace that than to base my Dynasty on that philosophy? Seven continents, one family. Sounds like a killer tagline to a warm family comedy, doesn’t it? The world will eat that up like fruit gushers — as fast as humanly possible.

“But wait David, where are you going to find a kid to adopt in Antarctica? Are there even kids there? Are there even people?”

The answers are, “I’m not”, “Not adoptable ones”, and “Yes, anywhere from one to five thousand, depending on how crazy them scientists are feeling.”

But you know what? No one wants to rule Antarctica. What’s there to rule? Ice? Penguins? Crazy scientists? No thank you. My plan, as it were, is to adopt two kids from Asia. Possibly twins. Because that continent is freaking huge and populated that it’s probably going to need to rulers anyways.

“But wait David, what about your wife? What if she doesn’t want to follow through on this plan?”

Hey, guess what? You don’t need a wife to adopt kids. And as my dog can attest to, I’m perfectly capable of raising kids on my own. So while having a nice lady to help me cultivate my master plan (and you know… kiss and stuff) is kind of ideal, she shan’t be denying me my team of multi-cultural future tyrants and their global domination.

But fear not, for their cruelty will be saved only for the wicked, while good favor and mercy await the honest and meek. In this way the Quan Dynasty shall be forever remembered as a time when the world was at peace and all was well. Not like all those other dynasty’s that everybody hated and talked about them behind their back and drew obscene cartoons of them on the bathroom wall.

So…. yeah. That’s the plan. Just a little something to look forward to.

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