Every year people try to get a fresh start in life by making resolutions. Work out more, be nicer to people, eat healthier, stuff like that. And every year like clockwork, people fail miserably at living up to those initial expectations. Why? My theory is they’re setting the bar too high. They’ll get in that first workout and be sore for a week so they end up never jumping back on the treadmill. They get in a fender bender and convince themselves this is the one time it’s okay to be mean. They forget to plan a lunch in advance and end up hitting McDonald’s because it’s convenient. They set themselves up to fail and by then they’ve stopped caring anyway. They make excuses.

Well this year I’m setting the bar low. Like, midget limbo low. And I encourage you to do the same. Why? Um, because it’ll be easy. So I ask, why not?

1. Brush your teeth everyday

Initially I was going to say shower, but I did the math (not really) and realized that 365 showers is a lot of water to waste and there are times when a shower isn’t handy, like when camping or…. camping. So I went with dental hygiene instead. Whether it happens first thing in the morning or last at night, there’s really no excuse.

Okay, losing your toothbrush might be an excuse, but it’s a bad one.

2. Read one book

I worked at a bookstore for about eight months and I thought having a sizable employee discount and the ability to “check out” books for 2 weeks at a time would get me to finally read one. Boy was I wrong. Maybe it was the restaurant effect where being around it all the time makes you sick of it, but I never got past a first chapter. In any case, that should change this year. Probably.

Note: comic books don’t count.

3. Wash the car

Never happened. Well over a year now. It’s just sad.

4. Go on a date

Also never happened. And it was a complete lack of trying. Also sad.

5. Write something (complete) every week

This should be the hardest one of the bunch even though it’s basically all I do. Luckily it’s Sunday so this counts. Off to a good start.

Onward!

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