Full disclosure, I missed more than a few days. My sleep schedule is nowhere close to normal to the point where I spent an hour today thinking it was Saturday and wondering where everyone was. It’s Friday, by the way. It’s not a great reason, but it is what it is. I pulled double duty on a few days to make up for it, though I’m still behind by a day. I’ll get there. Hopefully.

I went out to a party store last week and bought some of the adhesive I was missing that’s actually designed for holding on prosthetic noses and stuff, so I don’t have to worry as much about my skin falling off (I do, but more on that later). I was looking forward to trying it out right up until the moment I opened it. It smells completely awful. The rubber cement has that chemical, sterile scent but the spirit gum is so pungent it feels like it’s trying to invade your other five senses. But to its credit, it does what it’s supposed to — I can use the little brush to draw where I want hair to stick and it stays sticky until there’s something on it. Very helpful for layering more hair on top to make mustaches fuller and it gives me some breathing room to trim hair before it goes on.

So this weeks batch were a marked improvement I’d say, and not just because of the new stuff or the extra hair. After week one’s fumbles, I’m starting to hone in on the amount of hair I need for each one and different methods of recreating them. They were good enough to get some nice comments from my friends anyway. Thanks friends!

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Day Eight: Captain Hook

For this one, I realized some styles can be made before I stick them to my face. Since rubber cements dries fast, it worked in my favor this time. I was able to make them more or less symmetrical and even out the amount of hair in each wing. This will probably be the least patchy of them all.

And that’s my dog. She’s…. special.

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Day Nine: goatee

I guess I didn’t understand what a goatee was until now. Google it and there are at least twenty different variations and none of them look exactly the same, presumably because no ones facial hair grows in the same. So I just googled ‘goat’. Most of them are just rocking the chin stuff so I went with that. Kind of an expansion on the chin tuft. I could feel my collar turning blue.

You might also notice a little dot in the middle of my forehead. Don’t worry, it’s going to get worse.

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Day Ten: Errol Flynn

See? It was one of those under-the-skin pimples that you just know it going to burst as soon as you squeeze it… and then it doesn’t. So you give it another go. And another. And another. And then before you know it, you’ve dug out a foxhole in your face. I’m 27 years old, I should know better by now. But I digress.

I’m pretty proud of this one. I only wasted a few hairs and it’s pretty even on both sides. The best part is, it wasn’t uncomfortable. I’m standing at the stove here and I ate with it and didn’t have to pick hairs off my tongue. Most of these things get plucked off my face as soon as I’m done taking the picture, but I let this one be for a few hours. It just felt right.

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Day Eleven: Salvador Dali

I knew before I started this thing I was going to end up doing this one at some point. It’s another rubber cement job and it was incredibly easy. Almost felt like cheating.

Day Twelve: Guy Fawkes

If I had planned better, this would’ve happened on November 5th. C’est la vie.

I actually made this one on my face and not beforehand. I bought a couple pairs of boardshorts a while back that each came with a surfboard wax comb. I didn’t have much use for them since I neither lived near the ocean or owned  a surfboard, but throwing them away seemed like a waste, so I kept one. It paid off, because that thing is great for making those angles and spreading hair that’s clumped together to make it thicker. I took a little trip to the post office with this one. Surprisingly, not that many funny looks.

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Day Thirteen: horseshoe

I call this one the Hulk Hogan but the name of the style is horseshoe. In hindsight, without the bandana it looks like a 70’s pornstache. I’m okay with that. Really should’ve popped that shirt off.

I also just realized I might be cutting more hair from the left flank than the right. Might need to work on that.

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Day Fourteen: handlebar

My first try on the quintessential cowboy ‘stache was a complete failure. I rushed it and it looked terribad. Those girls who hold their bangs between their nose and duckface are more convincing than mine was. Rather than half-ass it, I whole-assed it and scrapped it. Biggest waste of hair yet, though I still get the feeling I’ll have plenty when this is over.

You might notice the hair in the middle is a bit sparse. This is the part where I explain why.

Remember that parenthetical at the top of the post about rubber cement possibly making my skin falling off? Well the first application of the spirit gum bought a funny tingling sensation I haven’t encountered yet. I didn’t think much of it and went for it anyway, but I screwed up my first attempt. So I had to peel it off and try again.

The thing is, spirit gum isn’t cheap. A little vial the size of the end of your pinky is four bucks and they have this special adhesive remover that’s another seven. I’m not cheap, but when the antidote costs almost double the poison, I call that sketchy. Well gouging or not, I wish I had it when I put the spirit gum on for the second time.

It was the same tingling at first, then kind of warm. Then even warmer. I stuck the hair to it and it was less prickly and more stabby. More hair didn’t help any and the more I moved my lip the more it stung. I really just wanted to peel it off but I didn’t want to be another day behind so I let it be and took the picture. (yes that’s a real shotgun. Because props) When I started removing it… well it didn’t tickle. I tried soaking a towel with hot water and using the heat to loosen it up to no avail. I ran water over it for a while and that accomplished nothing. There was no way in hell I was going to drive out to the costume place with that thing and buy the remover, so I did what I had to do and pulled it off.

Yeah, that sucked. There wasn’t any visible bleeding or missing skin, but it was red and stinging for an hour after that. Not my finest moment.

While I was holding ice to my upper lip, I did a little research. The main ingredient of the adhesive remover: acetone. If you don’t know what that is, it’s the same stuff they use in cosmetic applications like nail polish remover and chemical peels…. oh yeah, and superglue remover. So the supposedly safe stuff I’ve been putting on my face needs to be removed like nail polish and superglue would. Just great.

I’m halfway done, so I’m definitely not calling it quits. Let’s just say tomorrow will probably be a beard day.

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