A Tale of True TV

They say everything happens for a reason.

If by that they mean that things happen which cause other things which eventually somewhere down the line causes something of note, yes, they do happen for a reason. But if they mean every little action happens with the intent of one day causing something at least tweet-worthy, well that’s simply not true.

But every once in a while, something magical happens — against all logic and reason, in the face of overwhelming odds, fate sees fit to put two things together as though they were meant to be.

Some people call it destiny. Some call it coincidence. Some call it luck. Me? I just call it right.

This is the story of how I was a Nielsen household.

It Was the Best of Times

I have a Bachelor of Arts in RTVF. That fancy acronym stands for Radio, Television, Film. While that sounds like I should be some kind of media guru, what it actually means is I’m a Film major who is vaguely aware that the other two exist. I only took as many Radio and TV courses as was necessary to fill my degree’s requirements, which with my inability to register for classes on time was several.

This one semester I thought it was probably a good idea to learn about Film Law, since copyrights and permits and all that are half the battle in production. But the class was long-filled and I really needed to be considered a full-time student, so I took Media Sales instead.

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The 5 Reasons You Aren’t Watching Parks and Recreation and Why They Are Stupid

Parks and Recreation is one of the best comedies on tv right now. It’s smart, it’s witty, it’s well written and all the other buzzwords people throw around to get you interested in their favorite shows. Are you watching it yet? Why not? Wait, don’t tell me. I think I know why. And now I will proceed to tell you your own reasons and why they are so stupid.

1. “It’s exactly like the Office, only different people and not as funny.”

If by “exactly like the Office” you mean it’s done in the Mockumentary style and centers on an overbearing boss that makes their employees uncomfortable at times, yes, it is exactly like the Office in the same way that you and Adolph Hitler are both human beings from the Planet Earth who have two arms and two legs [Ed note: sorry people missing limbs, also humanity]. Yes I could spend hours reciting the ways you and the Fuhrer are alike, but the truth is I can do the same telling you all the differences. And if I spend a measly half-hour every week hanging out with you, I’m pretty sure I’ll disassociate you with that terrible excuse for a person completely. See what I did there? You can do the same and see Parks and Rec for its own merits.

Also, let’s not pretend the Office didn’t hit a slump even before Michael Scott left. I could make an astoundingly accurate comparison to Germany, but I think I’ve been sufficiently offensive enough for you to keep reading.

2. “I’ve seen a few episodes and it wasn’t funny/I didn’t like it/it didn’t speak to me.”

You know what show was awesome? Breaking Bad. You know this and I know you know this even if you think you don’t. Because a month ago literally everyone was talking about it. No, that’s not what “literally” means, but to me “everyone” means “everyone I know” and everyone to me knew about how great it was because I REFUSED TO SHUT UP ABOUT IT. Also random companies were jumping on the #BreakingBadFinale advertising bandwagon absolutely free.  When something motivates those greedy, faceless corporations to promote a creative product receiving nothing in return simply to look good by vague association, that’s how you know it’s good.

But you didn’t really know how awesome it was, did you? Because you hadn’t been watching it consistently. Because you saw a few episodes here and there and though, “Eh.” Because by the time it got amazing it was far too late for you to get on board without looking like one of those pathetic piggybacking corporations.

Well I have good news. Parks and Recreation is somehow not that popular despite being consistently hilarious and amazing. It’s not too late. Take my hand, I’ll take you to a magical place where you can finally be part of the “I liked it before it was cool” crowd. We’ll sit at the ILIBIWC crowd tables with the rest of the ILIBIWC crowd and made witty pop culture references to the show that no one else around us will get and we will laugh heartily and genuinely and they will lament their inability to join our usual table in JJ’s Diner feasting on all bacon and eggs you have because they lack the digestive enzymes only years of exposure to Sweetums can provide.

If you don’t care at all about any of that stuff, just watch the first half of Season Three because that’s where they start hitting their stride. Eight episodes. Under four hours. Don’t pretend you don’t have time. You’re reading this.

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